Submission

"Just let me down!" Lia called.
"I can't," I yelled back.
"I don't want to be up here any more!"
"I know, but if you don't step up, I can't let you down."
"Just let me down!"
"I can't."
"But, I don't want to be up here any more!"
"Right. I know, but if you don't take the next step up, I literally can't let you down."

We repeated this conversation for forty five more minutes as Lia* hunched atop the Faith Pole, a telephone pole protruding with metal pegs for foot and handholds. Campers volunteer to climb up the pole and jump off the top. I harness, secure, and coach them as they go.

"Lia, you know I love you, right?"
"Yeah..."
"That I'm not going to let you fall?"
"Yeah, but I still don't want to get on top of the pole."

The only way off of the Faith Pole is to ascend the entire pole and jump. Lia's right foot rested on top, but her left foot stayed glued to a peg ten inches below.

"Why don't you want to move your foot?"
"I'm scared. I don't want to fall."
"You know, you can't really balance the way you're standing. You're less like to fall if you're standing up straight on two feet."
"Just let me down!"
"I can't."
"I don't want to be up here any more!"
"Lia, hun, you have to move."

Right before I moved to NYC, I dedicated a week to prayer, study, and worship. I needed to be absolutely certain that this crazy idea to move away from everything safe and comfortable wasn't my idea but God's. I ended that week with an overwhelming appreciation for submission and confidence in my next step.

Submission is a term that used to conjure up images of weak, doormat women and fiercely dominating men. I've always considered myself pretty independent, so the idea of following anyone else rubbed me the wrong way. But, as I went through the Bible studies at camp this summer and studied God's Word on my own, I realized that the concept of submission comes up pretty much every time women are talked about in the New Testament.

The Bible is true and the inspired Word of an all-loving God. I want to live like I believe that, which entails studying concepts that I don't get. What does submission mean for me? Why should I submit? I like to call myself "super-single" (not married and not dating), so who do I submit to? What's in it for me? Does this mean I'll never be able to make any of my own decisions? What does submission actually look like?

I studied 1 Peter during the aforementioned week, and I found answers to so many of my questions. I also discovered plenty more questions without answers. I wanted to write all of it down in an essay or Bible study, but I never did. Now that I'm writing daily (and I have accountability because I know my mom, grandmother, and Lourdes read this), I think this is the perfect place for me to unpack my thoughts.

My relationship with submission is much like Lia on the Faith Pole. I want to live it out, and I don't want to be afraid, but fear can trap me in the very thing I'm trying to avoid. She feared heights, so she refused to move. We were at the Faith Pole with her for longer than an hour that day, and she was stuck on the top.
When we submit, let go of our pride, and embrace what God has to say, we're free! We master fear. After Lia finally jumped from the top, there was a transformation in her that everyone noticed.
She started to trust for the first time.



*I changed my camper's name, just in case someone who knows her reads this.